Pain. Anguish. Longing to have it back. Being at the absolute end of yourself and realizing God has to get you through the day because there is no possibility that you can, or that you even want to. I think thats where my precious friend was yesterday, and probably stayed today. She got me through hard stuff in high school and has been one, that in the last few months I have been able to share the really hard stuff with- the stuff you can't just tell anyone, and especially expect them to understand where you are really coming from. I don't know what I would have done without her a lot of times, and I am not sure she fully knows just how precious and important she is to me. A lot of heartache and frustration and questioning has been part of both of our lives recently and you want to be there for someone that means so much to you-and we can't. This dang country we live in keeps us over 1600 miles apart.

I love how God allows us specials bonds with people during our life. Those you can just really connect with, and feel comfortable with to show the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think I have definitely shown all of the above to her, especially recently. But not only does He allow us to just connect because of a friendship, He allows some to connect because of situations. She had her baby girl's memorial service yesterday and I wish I could have been there for her. I understand how she has had to deal with daily questions and up and down with her feelings and emotions. My heart is broken with her over a loss like this...I love her and hate to see this loss for her.

I checked her blog tonight, and she had posted what her husband did for Sydney. I never cry...In months I can think of one time I have...But watching this video had me going. Its hard to understand how God allows a conception of a baby, only to take that baby back to be with Him before his/her mom can enjoy holding 'em, or even complain about the night feedings. But God does choose that sometimes...And thats when you have to trust Him to heal your heart and get you through each minute of each day...

If you have time...check out her blog. She writes exactly what she feels and I love her even more for it. http://oursydneygrace.blogspot.com/