You have to love it when something that should be SO common sense finally hits you in the face. It should be an obvious idea that our own personal walk with the Lord can and most definitely will affect other people. It determines how we deal with things and the decisions we make. However obvious that should be, it hit me in an altogether new light this past week.

When we don't set aside the time to spend in the Word and in prayer really seeking and learning about Christ, not only do we falter, but others around us can as well. By the way we act, the things we say or don't say, the decisions we make, and the list goes on. I have found when my consistency is not there, I will hurt myself and possibly others, and that scares me. That I could put aside the most important thing and cause someone else to be hurt in the process.

I know that when I push aside my time with the Lord, it affects my attitude. My attitude can be awful, my patience is non-existent (although I never have it in spades haha), and my decision making is not near its peak. It truly affects my entire day...And yet I still at times allow myself to get caught up in other things. How dense we are as humans...to know exactly what needs to be done for growth and yet at times refuse to do it. I am thankful God has hit me upside the head the last few days over this, and really convicted me of it. Oh, the stupid things we do far too often. Thank goodness our God is one of mercy and grace...and so importantly one of patience.

I am appalled. Our sin nature disgusts me. Yes, we have been set free from it through Jesus Christ, but it is still so easy to succumb to it. Even the best intentions still fail, and fail miserably. Whether its a sin of the heart, or physical, or against someone else, why does it have to come so easy? In my heart and mind I can purpose to not do something, and be convinced that it has been dealt with etc., and before I know it I am right back in that same place. Why is it, that some things continually kick me and I feel like I will NEVER overcome it.

Paul talks all about his same feelings in Romans 7. "I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sin nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. When I want to do good, I don't. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway." In some ways, it gives me some measure of peace to know I am not the only one struggling this way. But on the other hand it frustrates me even more. Why does something I want so badly to beat, evade me?

Am I going about it in the wrong way? Have I really not surrendered it? Is there some other solution? Oh, its driving me crazy. Part of me says it'd be easier to give up and not care. But I know that is the worst attitude, and the one Satan wants me to take. Why do some things seem to be such a struggle? Perhaps I should just lock myself in my apartment and never come out, ha. It seems that would be a good solution for me. I am so tired of this, and yet I know I bring it upon myself. Its too easy to find ways to do exactly what I don't want to. Oh what a sweet, sweet day it will be to stand face to face with our Lord and no longer have to battle our sin nature.