Do people's comments ever get to you, like really bother you, even when you know they shouldn't? You realize if they didn't say it when they did, you probably wouldn't normally care? Its the fact that it was just at the point that when everything was weighing on you... You know they didn't mean it in a flippant way, yet that was how you took it? I seem to be catching myself of that lately. So I've had 2 brain surgeries, about to have at least one more...You'd think I'd be used to everything. And in some ways I am. Perhaps its the fact of what all can go wrong with this next surgery, and I am actually very aware of what that could mean for me. Maybe its the fact I am just so dang tired of dealing with all of this...that I am having more down and weak moments.

So that when I hear comments such as "its all going to work out," "you'll be ok," "stay strong," etc. I want to scream. No they aren't trying to upset me, they are trying to be nice, but they sometimes don't get it. They don't understand what the last year of my life has looked like, and more importantly felt like. They don't know what its like to have disappointment one after another because of my stupid brain. They are fine because they can check in and say some one liner encouragment phrase and then check right back out before ever having to listen to what I really feel about any of it. They assume another friend will be there for me, so they don't need to be. Its because of this stuff I have just been ignoring my calls and not dealing with it. My sarcasm is at an all time high, and sometimes I don't catch myself before saying something that comes out too harsh. I am so fed up with it all, tired of dealing with hurting all the time, and my mind is so incredibly restless. I am just ready for something to make sense, because right now not too much does.